A diary wrote

By Gopika -

Really to say I don't know what even hurts, the feeling of me throwing you away from my life so that I am not getting hurt every time you move away from me or the feeling that you aren't here anymore and your absence is influencing me in every evil way that I couldn't help myself find me in peace. 

If so one day you get to know that I am trying to move on by staying away from you dont think I am very selfish and I never loved you or I ain't sad about what I have done. 

I am just still trying to stop seeing and feeling everything with a perceptive of what if you are seeing it, I don't know how everything will get normal, I remember a life of mine where you were there and I couldn't do this alone, Sometimes I even wonder you just gave me some just some love and I am already worrying over that some love that I feel helpless and numb because I can't get over of my feelings and affection towards you. 

I am trying my best to forget everything but what about my own self it couldn't even accept me without you in it. Every time and everything I think you are in it somehow from somewhere, I dream every night of you being there but in the end I just know that whatever decision I have made is right, Really am saying you were never open enough about anything, Everything has happened is due to misunderstanding and I know that but misunderstandings happen only if your intentions are wrong. 

Above everything, I know you crossed me and you live your own things and I never want to be a part of it even, I never know I write this much, When I see you I feel everything worthless I don't even know what's just inside me, but the feeling that you gave me that is for once and forever my favourite! You may have left and not return back to me because I always know that I never meant to you as much how much you mean to me, but that doesn't make sense anymore even. With all love I accept your move on but in the inside the hurt will never leave me, still I dont know at least once did I truly meant something to you and just this one thing in the end, Why me?

I know that something was always there between us and I know I meant a lot to you but I dont know the intentions, I just dont know I dont want to drag this. I should go find someone to love but it may take decades to work on it because even the ones I am close to I feel like they are just you. 

One day you will want to talk to me and then I would have lost all my feelings for you but I can't remember a day like that because I remember of you growing and born with already my feelings and I don't know If I could ever lose it , this is the longest time I am spending away from being there with you and this is the long I cut you from my life, And my hands shivered when it wrote a cut you from my life instead of a forever because you were just my forever.


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